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Oh Deer

September 30, 2011

It’s been….. an interesting week to say the least. It’s been one of those weeks where you feel like you are being pulled in ten different directions. If things don’t get written on the to-do list they don’t get done.

Weeks like this I find myself still waking at 4am. Even in the off-season I crave my morning time. I have been running. Just running as I head into a marathon build shortly. There is something about 4am, the night sky and quiet roads that has me captured. Even when I don’t need to be up at this hour. No one needs me at 4am. No one can interrupt me.

Or so I thought.

The other morning nothing was unusual. I was out for a morning run, just an hour. There is a cemetery that’s been being built for the past 2 years not far from where I live. It fascinates me for some reason. I have never seen anyone build a cemetery. It’s taken over two years now, it’s a beautiful place.

As I hit the turnaround point I again looked over at the cemetery. Beneath the stars and the moon it looked magical. Peaceful. Serene.

There are a lot of houses in that area and some bushes and our town, especially this time of the year is known for deer. Deer here deer there deer everywhere! They are everywhere, especially this time of the morning.

As I came upon that house by the light pole at the bottom of that one hill I saw something moving out of the corner of my eye. It wasn’t moving fast but the shadow was large. I thought about how I’d be able to fight someone tooth and nail if they tried to jump out of the bushes and rob me (they’d get my QT2 hat, the bastards!), and how they’d be so unlucky to have chosen me……

I turned my head and was met with the same startled look that I was wearing. We met eyes, it slowed down, I got a little bit past then…..

BOOM! Crash! Whoa.

What the hell just happened?

My headlamp flew across the road. My Garmin 310Xt flew the other way. I immediately cursed myself for not wearing it, for just carrying the watch unit itself. My wrists stung (I thought I knew how to fall) my right hip was wet, I knew it was blood. I turned my head to the left and saw Bambi running away.

Did I just hit a freaking deer? Or did the deer hit me?

All I knew is that I knew enough to not hit my head. I am one concussion away from wearing a helmet at all times.

Dude. I just collided with a deer. You dont’ hear that every day. Trust me I know how lucky I was. For years I was a trauma nurse. When people hit deer and get killed it’s usually because the deer gets trapped in their windshield and kicks them to death. You don’t even want to know the stuff I have seen. I know how dangerous these guys can be.

I noticed headlights coming. ARH! Get up Eggers. You don’t survive a deer to get run over by a car. Curt will wonder what the hell you were doing laying in the middle of the road. Someone will say she had a heart attack again and we told her she exercised too much!

I got myself up and as the car passed I pretended to be stretching. I found my headlamp and after a few minutes of looking found my Garmin. Put this thing on the strap Eggers!!!! Then I assessed the damage. A little blood, some scrapes. Nothing major. I began to run….. whew. No pain.

Lucky duck.

My week hasn’t gotten much better. My memory continues to dwindle…. I don’t think I have sen daylight even though it’s been light out. Trying to communicate with Wheeler in Kona where Bree Wee gets internet on Alii drive but he doesn’t. Things in other situations keep happening that make me look over my shoulder and say…… am I being punked?

Friday I pulled into Dunkin Donuts. It’s one of those gas station Dunkin Donuts, so you drive behind the building. There are a lot of trees there.

Welcome to Dunkin Donuts! She cheers from the intercom. What can I get you today?

Medium black coffee please. (I order the same thing every time.).

Would you like cream and sugar with that?

No thanks. Just black.

Splenda?

Black please.

Equal?

Black please.

No half and half or flavoring then?

I looked behind me. I am being punked. I am sure of this. I am your easiest coffee customer. Black. No flavor, no double wet extra hot shots, no ice, caramel (or is it Carmel) and hell no whip cream. Coffee. Black. Pure. Simple.

No thanks, just black.

Soon my medium cup of awesome is in my hands. The sun is shining, the windows are open. Life is good. As I drive away something comes through my window from the trees next to me. ACK! ACK! No sooner did that thing fly into my car did I fly the hell out. Once I had a mouse in my car (my old car). OMG! OMG! OMG!

In a panic I ran around the car and threw open all the doors. Some guy at the car wash stood and stared at me. something jumped in my car! I cried to him. He walked over and as he did, doesn’t a squirrel run out.

Squirrel.

Seriously?

Where is the camera…… I look around. The guy is laughing. I start laughing. Someone must think I need comedic relief this week. because it was funny. Who has encounters like this with two animals on two consecutive days? I have a dog, I am nice to animals. What does this mean?

Of course someone has the answer for me. “The universe is trying to give you something. That’s why you keep crossing paths with all these animals.” (All these animals? Try two.)

The universe wants to give me something? Okay. I will let the universe give me something. I drove myself right over to Wegmans and marched right to the New York Lotto Machine. Mega Millions…. check! The regular lotto…. check! Pick ten….. Check! If the universe wants to give me something ….. the universe can give me a few million buckaroonies.

Yes but you will only get 75 million of that jackpot my husband reminded me.

The day that I ever…. and I mean ever…… say……  only 75 million…….. the day that only seventy five million equals only twenty-five cents in my vocabulary….. will be a very good day for me. Until then the back of my lotto tickets are signed, the New York State Lotto app is loaded on my phone, and I shall send out the vibes like they say to do in “The Secret” and allow the universe to give to me.

When I win that only seventy-five million dollars you better believe I will thank Bambi and Squirrel for leading me to my friend who made that prediction to begin with. Then I will buy my own satellite versions of Tim Horton’s Dunkin Donuts and Starbucks for the west wing of the house that seventy five will build me.

And I will drink black coffee every single damn day.

Oh wait, I already do that.

One concussion away from a permanent helmet. One.

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3 comments

  1. Oh my! Thank you for a good laugh this Friday afternoon! Glad you are ok. A squirrel in my car my have caused me to have a coronary though. Phew!!


  2. hah! the animal kingdom is seeking revenge on a meat-eater. 🙂 I’m kidding! that is hilarious.. I love both squirrels and deer but I don’t think I would want either of them in my car.


  3. That is the BEST post I have ever read!!!!
    I had an ecounter with a deer but i was on my bike. Now I am scared to death when I hear leaves rustling.



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