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Finding Mary

February 25, 2012

First things first: there is nothing to worry about. Everything is fine. Sadly however there is no alien baby… and how odd is it that when I collected names Chewbacca happened to be the top of every single list? We come from the same generation friends.

Once again please accept my thanks for everything throughout the past week. Out of the woodwork came friends that I hadn’t connected with in years, messages and just words of love poured in and let me be honest…. I was extremely overwhelmed. See, when I am writing or announcing or teaching the class there is a certain amount of control (if you will) that I have over the situation. When I put out there that this abdominal mass was found I did it because….. someone, somewhere out there has gone through this. Touched……. comforted…. entertained…… are not even the words to describe. Possibly connected. I can’t thank you enough. I really can’t.

Too many in this situation though…….have yielded a much different result.

I got lucky. Real lucky.

I am best case scenario.

Thank*You*God

Quite honestly last night was the first night I slept in over a week. It’s funny what possibilities will ignite something within you that you didn’t even know you had. Maybe it’s a mother’s instinct but I kept thinking to myself…. like hell am I leaving this kid. Feel that, feel just a touch of that and it’s understandable how women move semi trucks off their children with their bare hands. Something frighteningly powerful and strong rises right out of your heart and you draw your guns with the intention of absolutely blasting anything that might stand in your way. Do not f*ck with me. It became my mantra all week-long. Still is in fact.

Remember that mental fitness chat we had the other day?

When my doctor stated I could get back to training….. I thought…..like I stopped? Somehow I have hit one of the best training weeks of my season so far. I am seconds away from hitting the numbers I crave… that magical 20 hour week. I feel incredible. I feel like I have run 10 miles this week. And I have run over 40.

Remember a few weeks ago we talked about (my) fear of failure?

Yeah…. cured. Imagine that. Snapped right out of that.

Instead it’s been replaced with this intense feeling of focus. That cut the clutter get out of your damn head  focus on the task at hand and listen to your dreams kind of focus. Where you don’t consider the word fear or the word failure. That get me to the start line in Texas April 1st because I am going to throw down and turn my damn self inside out and take all of this… all of these feelings and let them rise to the surface. I am going there on a mission.

I have a fire that’s just waiting for fuel.

In October when I cross the finish line of my 7th Ironman I will come back and read this post and I will remember what came before it. The week of hell but of love. The week of shedding the layers and getting crystal clear of myself. The week that I got incredibly lost yet at the same time I was freaking found. I will realize what the lesson was supposed to be and I will understand why this happened in the first place.

Nothing happens without a lesson. The universe will give you exactly what you need.

What I needed was clarity.

Anyone home upstairs? I can learn in less stressful ways. Then again….. that’s not true at all. I am my father’s daughter after all. (Slightly bull-headed).

Please accept my thanks for the incredible cloud of kindness that you have floated me on the past week. It was unexpected but so appreciated. It was overwhelming, and that is a good thing for me. Like I said it’s nothing and nothing to worry about. We are continuing the game around here but this time the horizon isn’t foggy.

It’s crystal clear.

I am here for a reason. And we’ve got work to do

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