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Coming Together

August 4, 2012

They say that in life you can never connect the dots going forward, but you can going backwards, meaning that later on things that happen make more sense. I have a hard time believing that in this case. I don’t think this will ever make sense. I don’t think there are any dots to connect to be honest.

I had a good conversation with Sheriff O’Flynn yesterday after he met with Heather’s family. I will write about it more tomorrow, I took a lot of notes and I want to make sure I state everything correctly. While I didn’t feel at all better about what happened …. I feel somewhat better understanding how it works from here.

No amount of jail time is going to bring her back to her husband and children, and her family. And there is one shattered community. Shattered is putting it lightly.

Her funeral service was beautiful and horrific all wrapped into one. The hardest part by far was watching  Rev. Peter Clifford kneel down and address Heather’s children.

“Remember how your mom could always find whatever it was that you lost; your shoe, a shirt or anything? he asked. “Well, your mom will always be able to find you, too. You might not always be able to hear her voice or feel her touch, but as sure as we are here today, she is too.”

I feel like I am losing faith and at the same time I know that we must have faith now more than ever. When someone keeps telling me to trust in God I will admit to you I am walking a bit unwillingly. But I will keep walking. I have a feeling that’s what Heather would have said to do. Trust, believe, have faith.

A loss like this never ever gets better. It only gets further away.

On the wall here in my home office is a plaque. It’s from the Hamlin Beach Triathlon that existed for many years, until 2002. The picture on the plaque is of Mark Page. I never met him. That picture is from his 1991 finish at the Hawaii Ironman. Does that name sound familiar? It should. It’s Scott Page’s brother, who owns Full Moon Vista. Come to think about it…. I need to bring this to him. He’s the one who should have it.

I was fortunate to win this race twice. When you won you got your name added to the plaque and you took it home for the year, bringing it back the following year to be passed on. I am honored to have had this plaque along with so many amazing athletes.

I was the last one to win, along with Erik Grimm.

Scott was also killed on his bike. In 1992. He was 30 years old.

Why are we fighting this battle still?

I keep it there to remind me. I never knew him. But every day it reminds me that nothing is guaranteed. Life is short… so pack it in. You want to know why I get up so early? Why I am so busy? I don’t want to miss a thing. And when my time comes I don’t want to look back and say….. aw man…… I should have, could have, would have.

There is a saying that goes something like…. I want to slide into my grave with a body weary and bruised to the bone and say…. man… what a ride.

That’s why.

Today is a big day around here. And it should not even be happening in the first place. On July 5th of this year cyclist Kevin Royston was struck and left for dead. He lost his left leg. originally Ride 4 Royston was to help raise money to offset his medical costs. While it still serves that purpose….. director… or as I like to call him Captain Jareke (because he was a pilot) has rerouted the ride to bring us to Heather’s crash site. So it will also serve the purpose of commemorating and beginning the healing process for the loss we have all suffered.

This evening we will all come together for a dinner and an auction. Please click here for the information and thank you Captain Dan, for putting this all together. And to the sponsors who support it.

Please click here for a list of the safety rules that Captain Dan will be speaking about today.

I was honored to receive a bike tatoo yesterday, which will be available, and I hope everyone puts on their bike:

With law enforcement escorts we are going to go out there and get back on the roads. One pedal stroke at a time, one mile at a time, we will find comfort in each other and in what we love to do so much.

I don’t think we will ever be able to connect the dots going backwards. I don’t think it will ever make sense. I don’t think the pain of our loss is ever going to heal. There will forever be a hole in our hearts that absolutely nothing will fill.

I have a feeling we won’t be riding alone today.

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